Le Mops: Pork 'n' Beans for da Soul

Evry day around five accordin ta chewie the man in brown comes and brings boxes ta chew on. Chewie let me have dese fer mahself.

Mah new MaMa and the Ricky sat me down ands tell me that I wasn’y dognapped and no one was comming ta SAVE ME. Chewie sez dey red mah/; story. Dey asked me if I wanta stay an live wit dem. I thinks it over long and hard.

Dis is the Ricky. He’s mah new daddy. The Ricky isn’t around dat much and he does everything MaMA sez. He’s get up everytimes i wake up at nihjt to wee me and pet me. I wake up extra just so he pet me more. He likes ta yell at the tv and clean up wee.

Dis is MaMa. She has sumptin called surgery, but she let me crawl all ova her. Shhe spoils me and Chewie rotten. Chewie is da old pug in da house. He teach me to type and helps me wit stuff. He lets me steal pig hoofs right outta his mouth. But he don’t like it win I crawl all over him.

Afters we had da talk, the Ricky went into the room that makes noise and MaMa went ta sleep. I sniffed around mah koala and made a decision. I crawled up mah path on to dA high couch. Chewie calls it da stairway to mama.

I went to MaMa and laid down wit her. I sez, I luv mah brudders and sistahs and my family in Seattle, but I kinda like it here too. If you promise ta keep lovin me, i think i love you too. and thhe ricky and chewie too. I relly like mah new family so far. I can’t wait to// adventure more.

Chewie teach me type…

HHi\
mama helps me

Phew….Le Mops is cra-Z. It’s all I can do to keep him off mah mama’s arm. Her arm is in one of those black things like the Ricky had on his knee dat means IT HURT. The alien doesn’t understand humans yet, soo he climb all over the black thing .

I just put him ta bed so I figured I’d share sum more of his tale. Again this is just what he sez to me….

So, you left off at the big flying ducks…The MaMa woman shoved me into dat bag and put me under a seat on da duck. After sum real loud noises, mah ears started taa hurt. it felt like they were all stuffed up. I feel like we were gettin real far away from mah home and mah brudders, but I was trapped in da bag. When MaMa open da bag again, I was on her lap. I snuffled as hard as I could and sneeezed right in her face. Dat made mah ears feel better. I curled on the mama’s arm and went to sleep. Dis adventure wasn’t so bad afta all. When I woke up again, I was in da bag and I could here sum sniffin. I thought it was mah sistah peony. it kind of smelled like her. But it was this beautiful pug named Chewie who was introducing himself. I said, “Ho, I’m Porky Beans!”

He sez, “You’re LAYMOPS.”

I believe him cause he smelt like a girl but when I went a git sum milk, i didn’t get none. [chewie note: that hurt btw!!!!] After the long trip i founds a pillow and went to sleep.

I haven’t had dat much time to explore but dere are sum rooms here dat make noise when you walks in dem. I don’t go in der. the water also makes noise here. and chewie makes so much noise.

If Mommy Caroline is reading, its okay if you wait a few days to rescue me. I mean it ain’t so bad. Even if dey make me sleep in a jail. I still gots lots of toys and food and I kinda like dis Chewie!

I swear the Alien really said dat. I don’t make things up. Maybe I skip sum stuff but I’m hungry and da lil one talks so much. I’m helping him learn ta type so I can sleep more.

The little alien told me dis while mama and the ricky daddy were sleepin. seems a couple days ago they dognapped him frum his brudda’s and sisters and his human mama Caroline.

I tried to tell him dat my mama is a good human and wuddunt dog nap anyone and that she must be his mama too.

dis next part ill try and tell you in his words… (i had to help him a lil bit cause he dont speak dat well…and fir some reason he dont type!)

deez humans came and stoled me. dey came wit screaming kids who seem to only appear sumtimes. we got in da big crate on weeels. after like a million hours we ended up in some noisy place where we went to a sumptin i herd called hotel. dey gave me food and water and i did good and wee’d were dey pointed but dey wouldnt let me go home.

Dey tried to disttract me with a lots of toys (some even smelled like home). Dey kept calling me LAYMOPS ans saying dey were mommy and daddy. i kinda liked de attention but i aint gonna tell the big ones dat…I did a couple poop runs and laughed at dem try to make me go on a pad…there was dis ting called a couch with a blanky. i liked that. i liked chewing on de braids and eating de chins…

Den day put me in this crazy bag and took me sumwhere dat smelled like food but didnt give me any. later i spent lots of time in dis bag but first i did pee, attack pee den i get tired so i sleep. den i pee attack pee sum more. dis didnt make dem take me home. i was still havin fun but i not say anything.

den dey put me in what dey called bed but didnt look like mah bed. dey let me sleep between dem after i cried and threw myself at it every time dey put me on da floor. when i wakes up the mama (i gave in) put me on floor so i wee and poo. then she threw me at daddy who let me bite him. i like dis bed thing.

in da morning dey put me in bag again for an adventure where once again i git nothing. then dey took me to dis hotel thing and mde me watch dem eat. den back in de bag into another crate on wheelz to sumplace wit lotsa big flying ducks. the mama let me pee on da floor next to sum newspapers. we were der fir like ever before getting into some getting into da fly duck.

Theres more! but i gots to go outside to pee. im not like de lil’ alien dat goes inside. by the way….he sez he’s a pug! but i just dont know.

our plane is delayed. will we make it?

Mah MaMa and I picked out this new pillow for Le Mops, but I ordered it in extra large when she wasn’t looking. When it came, I said, “This is too big for the lil’ alien, so I’ll take care of it!” Doncha think it’s too big fer Le Mops, but perfect for me…

I heard The Ricky muttering sumptim about “Bigger than our couch.”